Philosophy of life... by tgchan

Journal

long hard road out of hell

Posted by tgchan on May 7, 2010 at 2:04 PM

I am so fucking pissed I can barely control myself...



Last weekend when I was playing cs:s I let my anger go of few times, I yelled so loud I have damaged my vocal cords or something... My voice has been changed for almost 6 days and I could barely speak because of sore throat. I still have a cough...


Few days ago when I was taking a bath, cold water get into my left ear and stuck there. The next day was even worse, at the time when I was going to sleep I get some terrible earache. I couldn't fall asleep because of pain... Sometimes it was so strong  I wanted to smash my head againts the wall. I had a work the next day... I slept about ~4h


A day or two ago, something weird started going on with my right eye... It hurts, looks like a cold sore and I fucking don't like it... It is placed right in the corner of my eye and I feel it everytime I blink... Never had this before...


My ear wasn't so bad until today... It doesn't hurt but I can barely hear anything now.

I can't even play CS:S competitively at the moment.... imagine playing in "mono" when hearing is so important in this game.


Nothing really looks good in my life now, we are losing almost 99% of matches in ESL (2vs2 ladder). Everyone seems to be much better than us... I really can't get this out of my head:


Lately we have played vs some top polish players, one of them is 15years old and we honestly couldn't kill this little fucker... he was doing everthing what he wanted with us... I really can't tell if he is damn talented or he is cheating... but I feel like my place belongs in some single player game for n00bs... like The Sims and stuff...


I should go to university tomorrow but it will be too much for me... It is just too much for me... I can't handle it...


I feel like a shit, I look like the shit and... probably I am the shit.


My life is a long hard road out of hell...


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